A to-do list makes our life easier: acting on a prearranged plan is much better than keeping all the tasks in your head and taking on one thing after another, risking forgetting something, and not knowing when it will finally be possible to relax.
If you are doing planning, you are already on the right track. That means you’re trying to free yourself from chaos and get your life in order. But there is one nuance that by the evening we do not manage to cross off all the items on the list, and this becomes a cause of stress. We look at the remaining tasks, feel guilty, and feel powerless.
If this happens every day, the tasks gradually accumulate, nervous tension and anxiety build-up, and the desire to do something disappears altogether.
How to help yourself in this situation?
Don’t get to ruminations and try out step 10 aa.
Didn’t complete a work task? Missed a workout? Postponed urgent household issues for later? Either way, you’re probably caught in a cycle of self-criticism right now.
‘I’m so uncoordinated and useless. Surely everyone is discussing it behind my back. How could I have wasted an entire day again? Why do I never manage to follow the plan? I hate myself for it!’ Anyone who has been caught in such a whirlpool of self-blaming knows that such thoughts arise not once, not twice, and not even three times – it happens over and over again, and soon it becomes difficult to think about anything else.
Fixation on one’s mistakes and shortcomings has a name: rumination. It is not just a painful state of mind, but also a huge barrier to positive change.
You may think that it is even helpful to criticize yourself. But seeing your shortcomings and working on them is one thing, and engaging in self-injury and chewing on the same toxic thoughts is quite another.
When you spend all your energy analyzing what is wrong with you, you simply have no energy left for action. So the first thing to do is to forgive yourself and stop the inner critic. There are five ways to do this.
- Ask yourself the question: ‘Is it as important to other people as it is to me?’
Perhaps you’re agonizing over the fact that you didn’t turn in another report on time. But has anyone paid attention to it? Would anything change if you wrote it tomorrow? Would a small delay turn someone’s life upside down or seriously harm the work process? If your boss has expressed dissatisfaction, how many minutes after you complete a task will he forget about your sluggishness? As a rule, no one cares as much about our slip-ups as we think they do. Look at the situation from this angle and stop being so dramatic.
- Form an attitude of development.
Think not about what a failure you are, but about what you can learn. You are capable of changing for the better, so don’t dwell on your mistakes.
- Switch your attention to something else.
Shifting your attention helps to stop the continuous chain of negative thoughts. Psychologists recommend doing something that involves a quick reward – cleaning, socializing with friends, physical exercise. Of course, you shouldn’t constantly run away from difficulties, but sometimes you just need a distraction to return to problems in a calmer state.
- Tell yourself to Stop!
Learn to stop the flow of negative thoughts with the simple phrase: ‘Stop! It’s time to stop thinking about it. Ruminating won’t do me any good’. Remind yourself more often that endless mental chatter won’t do you any good, and will only prevent you from moving forward.
- Check to see if your assumptions are true.
If you are troubled by painful thoughts that you are incompetent, lazy, uncoordinated, and irresponsible, try consulting people who love you, but who also know how to be honest. Let them tell you what they think of your qualities and how they think you can become a better person. This will give you a chance to look at yourself more objectively.
Be a friend to yourself
Treat yourself with empathy. Instead of engaging in self-criticism, take a friendly interest and try to understand why you find it so difficult to cope with all the tasks. What were your motives when you postponed an important matter for tomorrow? How did you feel at the moment? What conditions prevented you from being productive? Why didn’t you have enough energy and time to do what you had planned?
Ask yourself these questions, and then think about what you would advise your friend in this situation. Below are a few examples:
- ‘You plan too many things, you’re running around like a squirrel in a wheel, leaving no time for rest. First of all, you need a long vacation. Second, try to make your lists half as long as possible. Maybe you need to concentrate on the most important things, and be sure to take breaks during the day to recuperate?’
- ‘You’re constantly distracted by conversations with co-workers, someone else’s requests, extraneous calls, and mobile games. Maybe you should find a quieter place to work, turn off your phone, block unnecessary websites, and start saying ‘no’ more often?’
- ‘You try to bring everything to perfection, so you sit on each task for a very long time. But is this perfectionism necessary? What if you don’t do the job perfectly, but just well?’
- ‘You tend to put off difficult tasks until later. As a result, you spend the whole day engaged in little things, and the most important thing is still not done. Make it a rule to start with those things that you least want to start. Maybe you’ll feel much better if you cross them off your list before dinner?’
- “Your to-do list is not time-bound in any way. Analyze how many hours or minutes each task takes. Based on those observations, divide your day into time slots and make a realistic schedule. Maybe, you just forget to rest?”
Take care of your well-being
Don’t forget that life should be a pleasure. So you need to take care of yourself and be mindful of your own needs and preferences.
If you do a bunch of duties every day because you HAVE TO but you do not get any pleasure from it; if daily activities only take energy and do not generate enthusiasm, then most likely the problem is not so much in your planning, as in your attitude toward life and yourself.
Try to take your interest in everything you do. Be on your own side!
Do thoughts of work make you disgusted? Perhaps you chose a profession you didn’t like, one that your parents insisted on. Maybe, you’re upset about your studies. It’s a good time to realize this and remember your desires. Look for a way to do something that you truly love. Take tentative steps first: enroll in training courses, read specialized books. Just begin to do what you love or what you truly want. Here is the list of cheap term papers for sale. Save time for more important tasks. So step-by-step, you will have the necessary knowledge to move on to more action.
Are you annoyed by the office routine? Try working from home. The main thing is that you feel comfortable.
Want to change the profession? Do it! It’s never too late. Check the Princeton acceptance rate and go ahead!
Life seems empty and meaningless? Set yourself goals that will inspire you (for example, spiritual improvement, taking care of loved ones, a realization of creative ambitions), and concentrate on them.
Of course, it’s not always possible to do only what you want to do. Look for at least something positive in what you do have to do by necessity. Maybe at work, you learn something new or develop the qualities that will be useful in achieving your goals important to you. Focus on these aspects.
Think about how you can turn something good for yourself, but doesn’t generate much enthusiasm, into fun. For example, exercise can be a source of joy if you don’t just exercise but take up dancing, rock climbing, or alpine skiing.
Be sure to include in your daily to-do list things that bring you positive emotions: hobbies, walking outdoors, hanging out with friends, and other activities that energize you.
Take care of yourself from being overwhelmed. Do not try to do everything, choose only some of the most important for you tasks. It’s difficult but necessary. It’s impossible to be truly happy and successful, dispersed on a dozen “priority” cases.
Only you are responsible for your own happiness!
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